Will Ferrell Quotes

1. My New Year's resolution is to get at least 13 hours of sleep a night, regardless of what sort of job or family or life commitments I have, but to really be consistent about that.



2. I'm going to climb over that anger wall of yours someday and it's going to be glorious.

3. I'm not really an exhibitionist. I'm drawn to the outrageous stuff because it's fun, not because it's some deep compulsion. I'm no tortured, anger-stoked, deeply neurotic comic. Just a pretty low-key normal guy. A, "Hey, the glass is half-full", kind of a guy. But please keep it quiet, or I may never work again.

4. People love me in my underwear. It's my public service. If I'm not in my underwear by page fifty on the script, I'm very unhappy.


5. Why did Autograph Magazine list me as one of the worst autograph signers? Oh, I don't know. It's probably because I punched some 8-year-old kid in the airport one time, and he wanted an autograph.

6. (on being a comic) I attribute it to growing up in safe, boring suburbia in California. I wasn't beaten up by anyone, there was a really low crime rate. There was really nothing to do except think of funny things.

7. I guess destiny is not the path given to us but the path we choose for ourselves.

8. You think your life is hard? Just think, there's a turtle out there that has been flipped on its back and can't get up. Fuck your problems.

9. You might not believe this, but I really don't believe in doing something if it's just for the sake of doing it.




10. Just wanna take this moment and thank my mom for not aborting me and my dad for buying cheap condoms. Love you guys.

11. It was a gradual rise that started on SNL. I went from being the guy who did the cheer-leading thing, to the guy who plays the president to: "Hey, that's Will Ferrell!" I saw that happen then in terms of films, and it was really "Old School" that got me a real lead part. It was a scary thing when I left SNL (in 2003), but then "Old School" came out, and then "Elf" happened the same year, and now "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby".

12. There was a period of time at "Saturday Night Live" when I wasn't in a relationship, so I got a taste of what (the single life) would be like. I didn't fare too well. It seemed like I was always being introduced to the really nice school-teachers from New Jersey; never models.

13. There's a benefit to losing, you get to learn from your mistakes.

14. I never put much pressure on myself when I'm the central thing, just because I don't think I could handle it mentally.


15. I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.


16. Then Satan said: "Let there be math."

17. What's the point of being bad when there's nothing good to stop you?

18. Studying is a combination of students and dying. Coincidence? I think not.





19. I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially about listening. The way I approach comedy, is you have to commit to everything as if it's a dramatic role, meaning you play it straight.

20. Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.

21. If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin. That's how much you mean to me.

22. I'm pretty white. That's my thing, suburban, lame white person.

23. I'm not saying shes a slut, I'm just saying if her vagina had a password, it would be 1234.

24. All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.

25. I saw a news story recently that said I'm 6' 4". I'm creeping up, like in the high school football programs where you give yourself 15 more pounds. In three years I want to be 6' 5" in stories. And I'm gonna do the opposite of these kids like LeBron James who are coming out of high school and going into the NBA. I'm gonna be the first 36-year-old white guy who tries to make it in the NBA.

26. "Saturday Night Live" is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get to work with so many different people who come in to host the show and you get thrown into so many situations and learn how to think on your feet, so filmmaking actually feels slow, in a good way.

27. In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.

28. The world doesn't need another parking lot. It needs a place where kid's minds can grow.

29. Saw Rihanna naked yesterday. I asked why aren't you wearing any clothes. She said naked bodypainting but we ran outa paint after my forehead.

30. I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.


31. A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives or events that were painful, and I really have wracked my brain to figure it out. I pretty much have had a normal childhood. Maybe it was too normal.

32. Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. 

33. "dad and mom" doesn't sound right, just like "josh and drake" like it's just not right.


34. McDonalds should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong shit they gave you at the second window...

35. I often don't think a lot about the ramifications of anything I do.

36. Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

37. There's just something about yelling that's funny to me.

38. Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And, uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think, well, maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling...what? What, I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?

39. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means a whale's vagina.

40. It doesn't really exist, this Frat Pack. We run into each other on occasions and we all like each other's films, I guess, but there isn't some big funny restaurant or bar where we all hang out. At least, if there is, they haven't invited me. I wasn't in "You, Me and Dupree", Luke Wilson's last movie, and none of them was in "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" with me and, actually, nobody gives a shit.

41. Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.




42. I rotate my clothes so everything is equally worn. Sometimes that means orange shorts and red shoes. My wife is like: "Really?"

43. Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship?


44. If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make you fat.


45. Dear fat girls in tight clothes, you look like a half opened can of biscuits. Please stop.

46. James Caan told me at the end of filming "Elf" that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.

47. This place reminds me of Santa's Workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.


48. Get up, you crazy black man! I will make you drink my piss!


49. It's so damn hot…milk was a bad choice.

50. I'd much rather be in a comedy. In my view, comedy wins out in the long run. I'm not sure I'm a good enough actor to play real tragedy, so I bring a comic element to most things as my answer to the world's problems. I'm not a clown, though. I love goofing around, but I don't feel the need to act the clown in private - I do it at work, that's where I exorcise my demons. Although I confess that I do sometimes put together outfits to annoy my wife.

51. You're lying if you say you've never sat alone in your room and sang she will be loved at the top of your lungs.


52. Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one hand it's very flattering, it is just so surreal.

53. My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel.

54. What if every band had the word gays in them? Sleeping with gays, Green gays, Forever the gays, One direction, My gay romance...

55. I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f**k you.




56. Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

57. Even though I've been married for eight years, I do separate my food in the refrigerator from my wife's. I put labels on it that say "This is Will's leftover chicken" or whatever. And if you touch it, yeah, I get livid.

58. I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.

59. I always forced myself to do crazy things in public. In college I would push an overhead projector across campus with my pants just low enough to show my butt.

60. Took the restrictor plate off to give the Red Dragon a little more juice. But it's not exactly street legal, so keep it on the down low.

61. Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

62. Inappropriate behavior makes me laugh.

63. I do feel, at heart, that I'm a lazy person who found this thing that I love. Comedy makes me industrious. Without it, I'm just another guy.

64. I drive a Dodge Stratus!

65. (on George W. Bush) I had a couple of opportunities to go and meet him, and I declined, partly out of comedic purposes, because when I was on the show ("Saturday Night Live") at the time, it didn't make sense to really meet the people that you play, for fear of them influencing you. And then the other side of it is, from a political standpoint, I don't want to meet that guy.

66. (2006, on living with his mom for three years after college) I had no ego about that. It's kind of sad.



67. Gay marriage is illegal but knee high converse isn't.

68. I just took a test this morning. Yeah, at the free clinic for hepatitis. I kicked ass, too. I got an A, two B's and a C.

69. Mom, the meatloaf! F**k!

70. (On "Stranger Than Fiction") It was so freeing to not run around and act like a crazy person. It was so nice to be conversational and talk like a normal human being. I felt like my job on "Stranger Than Fiction" was to play really good defense. Don't throw the ball out of bounds. If you're open, take the shot but, otherwise, don't get too fancy.

71. Hardest thing ever? Controlling your laughter at serious times.





72. I will drive you out to the desert and leave you there for the entire month of August if you don't get off that shed!


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